Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
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