2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
