next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
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