She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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