His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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