Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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