I just saw a hot homeless man
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
