Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Is it penis luge time yet?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
