I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
