I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
