life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
