I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
