Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
