Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize
