Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
