Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
