I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
