walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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