The maid of honor just puked.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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