I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
