worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
