filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I would ride that face into the sunset
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
