Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
