There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
