I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
