There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
