so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
