Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
