you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
