I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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