i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
