so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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