i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
