i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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