Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Randomize
