the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
