In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
