Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
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