i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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