thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
