Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
