omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
