No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize
