I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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