My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
