You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
