Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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