Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
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