I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
