So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
