I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
