She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
