dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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